just now....

which is not the same as now, or even now now.  And here is South Africa, none of them mean NOW the way people in the States would mean now.  Now here and now in the States, I've realized, are two entirely different things.

In the US, now is exactly this instant, without delay.  Time is of the essence; once you say now, you're on the move.

In South Africa, now is sometime in the vaguely near future.  Now now is very soon-ish, now is probably coming, and just now is eventually, at some point, maybe.

The moment in time of Now in the States is focused, narrow, and singular.

In South Africa, Now represents something broader, less rigidly defined and more fluid and free.

At first, the difference drove me mad.  I felt there was a lessened importance of Now.  But I'm beginning to realize that it's not less, but more.  Slowly but surely, it's changing how I see Now, and how I live in Now (Now now, now, and just now).

So all those thoughts to say, I've been living in the now.  But that makes writing posts a little difficult.  However, expect a more coherent, eloquent, and comprehensive blog post just now...

moments.

Dear everyone,

I'm sorry for my absence!  I feels like I haven't updated you all in a long time.  I promise I haven't forgotten about you.  Every time I sit down to try and write something, I get stuck.  Stuck between having so much to tell that I struggle to find the proper words, and feeling like there's nothing I could write that would capture my experience or your interest.  That, plus the busyness at the Warehouse, HNGR work, and living life has led me to neglecting you.  (Sorry mom!)  Needless to say, I won't let it happen again (at least I hope not)....

With that said, I want to tell you about moments.  Part of my lack of updates has something to do with my perceived lack of memorable moments.  I felt like I had nothing intense, radical, or incredible enough happening in my life to write about.  Life the past few weeks has felt normal, ordinary even.  And who wants to read about that?  But as I thought more about it and tried to figure out what I could write about, I realized that there is great beauty and depth in the ordinary moments of life.  I tend to overlook the gifts that are the daily moments.  Yet the simple moments are many, and hold deeper power than I imagined.  Let me show you what I mean...

Waking up every morning to faint sunlight streaming softly in my window, and stealing ten extra minutes to enjoy the warmth of my bed in the chill morning air.

A steaming bowl of oatmeal for breakfast almost every morning.  

Walking out of a quiet house into the morning sunshine to soak up on the walk to the Warehouse.  

The first cup of coffee of the day at work, accompanied by often groggy but warm greetings (and teasings) from co-workers.  

The hush that falls before morning prayer time begins, and the reverential silence that lingers at the end.

Laughing, crying and listening over lunch together in the single sun-lit space in the Warehouse.  

Cheering for the Superstars of Sweet Home Farm as they play football on a chilly afternoon.

Dreaming and drawing the journey of the church toward social transformation.

Leaving work early on a Friday to grab a cup of coffee with friends.

Celebrating Christmas in July.

Watching 7 de Laan every night with my family over dinner.

Sitting on a Sunday morning with high school girls, sharing stories and dreaming about reconciliation.

Weekend family lunches that last all day.

The last cup of tea of the night.

These moments often sneak past me, slip under the rug of normalcy, and remain there, forgotten in favor of bigger and better things.  But life is lived in these moments.  As my weeks settled into quieter patterns, my heart grew anxious for lack of moments.  But somewhere in the midst of my restlessness, a still small voice spoke to remind me that today is the gift.  As I sat in that truth, God flipped back rug to show me the moments I'd been taking for granted.  I suddenly realized that these are the gifts.  Yes, big and beautiful moments happen as well, but they hold no more value than the simple and seemingly mundane moments of everyday living.  And like it or not, my life right now is made up of the little moments.  It's not a very easy thing for me, but I'm learning to rest in the moments, enjoy the moments, and see God in the moments.  Pray that I would live in the gift of the moments of each day.